December 4, 2009
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Blank
“What did you draw today?” the teacher asked, peering over my shoulders.“Hm? Oh, nothing,” I said.
The paper was blank. It’s always blank. It’s as blank as it was since I took that class.
It was the same type of blank that I was when I told myself I’d introduce myself to them.
I had an entire two hours to walk up to them and say something. They all crowded outside the pool hall on the corner after the session was over. It was a huge group of kids assembled outside, talking. It was intimidating because they all knew each other; I was the odd one out. The stranger. They were kids that went to middle school together. They were best friends. I didn’t know how to integrate myself into that. Instead of taking the initiative to approach them, I walked off. It was hard because they brought up inside jokes and things only related to their experiences together.
There was no way I could it without it being awkward, so I’ll do it later. The same thing I was attracted to them for made me stumble. I had my own friends – we were single units of 1-2 people that came together between classes – but I missed the group. Having that group dynamic.
I just blanked out.
It was the same kind of the blank that I get staring at college applications.
Where to go? What to do? Who knows? I’ll figure it out as it happens. I’ll do it later.
I don’t know. I’m not sure where I want to end up or what I want to major in.The papers end up stacked on my desk.
Blank.
It was sort of similar to the cafe that I’ve been itching to try. It’s just this gathering down the road where people play music. I don’t know if it’s anything spectacular, really, but I thought it’d be cool to check out. The music I hear from there on occasion is amazing. I’ve heard great things. However, like every other Monday, I was busy. There was too much homework. It’s snowy outside. It’s too dark out. It’d be weird going there alone. I don’t have money.
Blank.
What about your portfolio? To be an artist, you have to have one to showcase.
Oh, no, I’ll work on that later. I’ve got years to go before I have to focus on getting better.I looked at the calendar.
Completely white pages. Didn’t I have any plans sometime? I normally write notes somewhere.I looked through my camera, my phone.
Blank, blank.Where have I been?!
I looked in the glass, but I saw no reflection.
If someone asked me to fill in the blanks to describe something, I’d do it like this.
“Life: ______”
I’d just leave it that.What’s life with a bunch of blanks? What’s it if you’re not experiencing things on a daily basis?
I got sick of it.
If you’re not trying new things, learning new things?
I started painting the other day.No more blanks.
Did you ever have a period where everything felt like how I just described?
