December 24, 2009
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Holding Hands – Part 1
Holding hands can be a really big deal, if handled properly, and I think it should be a really big deal. Who doesn’t remember those first dates, you know the ones, when you really imagine that you like somebody, but you don’t know for sure because [of course] touch matters so much… and what can you really know without first experiencing that? So, maybe the two of you go to a movie, and maybe you’re the yin energy or the female energy, and so you make sure that your hand is available to be held…does anybody remember this? Or maybe a shoulder brush with an available hand (and quite the opposite, I can remember being in a movie with someone I didn’t like that way, and my hand was never on that hand rest, in fact I think I might have put my hand on the opposite hand rest if it didn’t look so ridiculous, or at any rate wedged firmly between my knees or cupping a freezing cold beverage!)
But, assuming you are romantically interested in this person, so very much can be determined by how this yang energy person (or, for the purposes of purely heterosexual couplings, and for simplicity, let’s just call it the male) goes about this hand holding business.
First, lets say he opts not to touch that available hand during the whole movie. The person with the romantic interest is then left with several explanations for that, none of which bode favorably (in my book) for any subsequent interaction with the person. Given the interest in something more than friendship it’s there – a non-response makes it feel one-sided, and who wants that? Of course there are many reasons which might be connected to the main reason, namely, that he is not interested in a similar romantic way. Whether he’s not attracted, or whether he is unavailable for that kind of relationship, it really doesn’t matter why.
Or, there is another possible explanation: maybe he simply does not like holding hands. Well, truth be told, that does not bode well for any kind of future with me either, because, [for one like me] there is nothing as romantic as holding hands in a movie on a first date and while I’m certain there are plenty of people who don’t feel that same way, I can make things easier for myself by realizing right up front that these kinds of people are simply not ‘my type.’ And that is easy too, because I also know that there are enough people out there who are my type (judging by this simple first criterion) that there’s no need to waste a lot of time with those who are not.
BUT! Back to the hand holding thing, and how it is that he deals with that available hand, it has to be done correctly (at least in a way that feels right to me) or else that isn’t going to work out either. To wit, one doesn’t grab onto her hand, [whether with fingers interlaced, or not interlaced], and then just hang on like that without moving for the entire movie. No, no no, that is nothing if not extremely awkward and downright unpleasant. In extended, long term hand holding, there must be ongoing movement. It has to be an interaction, not a holding down. It should be a process of flirtation and discovery, Not some kind of hook in and hang on.
And amazingly, I have discovered that one can learn so much about a potential partner by how it is that he or she holds hands. Not just in a movie, either, but anywhere. Firstly, there is just the feel of his hand. Is it always clean and dry, or is it sometimes sticky and moist? If the latter is a problem, it’s his job to do something about it because, I know, from my end, my hands are always clean and dry. Soft? Yes, mine are, but my partner’s hand need not be soft; I’ve held a working hand before and it’s been fine. It’s not what I usually end up with, but that’s not the point, the point is that there’s nothing wrong with a rough, working hand, just so long as that hand is clean, not sweaty and sticky.
One time I got allergic to this man’s hands (after the ‘relationship’ was already going south, my body announced it before my brain did!) I actually began to get these horrible itchy rashes on whichever hand he was holding the most. And, since he liked to hold hands with fingers interlaced, and he had this dominating habit of holding hands with fingers interlaced AND by moving my thumb underneath all of our fingers [into a very submissive position which I found charming for about a week] the terrible itching rash started to show up all over the top of my thumb! I still remember when I broke up with him, he had not been able to get to my hands for about 5 days because he had been on the road? But I let him take my hand when I broke up with him because I felt guilty for hurting/angering him? The rash which had been completely removed from my hands came back and covered that hand and tortured me for another week after we had been permanently apart!
Either way, hands are so much a part of the process of falling in love and being in love, and there is so much to say about it that I cannot say it all at once.
I want to talk more about holding hands, and how holding hands is and should be a form of flirtation, even a form of foreplay, definitely an expression of anything from growing fondness to a passionate, soulmate level of love, but it is going to take me two parts of this blog to do it. Hence I will conclude part one right here, post it, and then go right now and finish part two, while I’m in the mood to finish what I started.
Do you like to hold hands? What can you tell about a person from holding their hand?
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Here is part two: http://and-i-love.xanga.com/718843542/holding-hands—part-2/
