December 20, 2009
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Encounter with a Kidnapper
The only other thing I feared as a child besides baths, vegetables, wolves, and Veggie Tales were kidnappers. My general understanding of them was that they knew information about you that they shouldn’t know, they approached you in the disguise of someone familiar and lie about what they’re doing, and they took you away. I didn’t know where they took you. They just took you.
Charles Lindberg’s baby was kidnapped. They left the window open one night and the baby was gone. I remember thinking about leaving the window open some nights when I was cranky.As for kidnappers, I thought they only existed in movies until stories of some kids in our suburb surfaced on the news. It meant I couldn’t stay outside too late. My parents weren’t too fond of me bike riding too long on the sidewalk anymore. I didn’t really comprehend much else beyond that.
Christmas was normally the time news reports of disappearances seemed extra grizzly.
It was around this time I had my first encounter with a kidnapper.
It was at the mall. I crawled up to Santa Claus’s lap. The family took a photo. I didn’t think much of it, but apparently, he knew my name. I didn’t know him too well.
I learned more about Santa Claus through my connections at the local elementary.
“Santa Claus is the guy that gives you presents. He comes to your house when you’re sleeping at night. He likes milks and cookies. He comes through your chimney, leaves you presents, and then flies off.”
He terrified the hell out of me.
First off, we didn’t invite him into the house. We didn’t have a chimney, so that had to mean Santa used the door to get in. If we’re sleeping at night, and no one can hear him entering, then he’s pretty much breaking in. Kidnappers do that. How he knew where I lived to begin with is beyond me. Secondly, what if him entering the house and delivering presents is a false pretense for kidnapping? He carried an awfully large bag with him. I remember stories and movies where kidnappers put the kids in bags. The worse part about Santa Claus is that sleighs in the sky with reindeer had to be pretty hard to track. And he eats your cookies before going off. He was disgusting.
Maybe I was paranoid?
My peers thought Santa was nice. I decided to give him a shot, but it was when I heard his theme song..I was disturbed.“
He sees when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good. So be good for goodness sake! You better watch out!”This bothered me for a week.
I was thinking about pulling some Home Alone tactics to keep the creeper out.
He was a stalker!Now, I know most kids might feel a pang of sadness when discovering their childhood heroes and fairytale creatures aren’t real, but I had to admit I felt a breath of relief when my cousin told me Santa Claus wasn’t real. That he was just some guy in a suit.
Wait, what if the guy in the suit was a…?
My cousin told me everything.
I was never more thankful.
