November 29, 2009
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We could lose Christmas.
To say things are bad at the North Pole is an understatement. Toy manufacturing is at an all time low. Many of the older model toys are no longer in demand. Thanks to the internet many people are ordering on line. It keeps a certain amount of production to keep things in the red. Red is good at the North Pole, black is bad. Santa can’t even afford the coal anymore to put in bad children stockings thanks to global warming. There is not much in the way of solar power and wind power that you can put in a bad child’s stocking to let him know to shape up and mind his parents. Battery operated toys and electric toys are not energy efficient.
Many of the older elves are being forced to retire. If you got your three hundred years in you are force out to keep from laying off the newer elves. Management is offering early outs. If you have at least 270 years in they will give you the needed extra 30 and a cash buy out of fifteen thousand dollars. Wow! You work someplace for centuries and then management gives you enough money to buy an economy sleigh as a reward. Amazing. Us newer elves are on the new retirement system. We are on the Thrift Santa Plan. That and Santa Security checks will give you enough money to live on if you live in a community tent city.
Some folks out there want Santa to privatize the whole frigin North Pole Operation. Oh yea! How does that work? You know Santa goes to some very remote parts of the earth. No private company is going into some of these places. With the fuel costs the way they are. Children everywhere will have to travel far and wide for toy drop off stations. Gone will be roof top delivery. You can kiss that idea goodby. Do you really want to have to go stand in line in the middle of town with thousand of other children ahead of you?What happens to Santa Clause? Does he get caught in a ponzy scheme and go to prison? Does he take his millions of dollars in a buy out and live the life of luxury in a pent house in NYC. I can’t see it.
Even the reindeer are on the chopping block. Does it really take nine animals to pull one sleigh? Cut it down to 3 and put 2 more sleighs on major continents. Ware house toys on each continent and cut useless weight down. Why carry South American freight all the way through Asia and Europe? Doesn’t make sense.
Maybe even shut the main plant up in the North Pole. Heating is astronomical, and lighting is mandatory half the year. By putting all your operating plants in underdeveloped countries you can lower salaries and do away with health care and retirement benefits. And who really needs elves to work in warehouses anyway. By hiring tall normal people you don’t need as many fork lifts in your warehouses. They can reach the shelves just by reaching.
If we tell people it will only hurt the upper rich class they will go for it. Then we put the whole operations in the hands of the United Nations. A one world toy distribution system. Maybe even turn it over to Taliban chieftains. That would cut out kites and gifts to girls. Soon we could have Suicide Bomber Ken Dolls. Infidels would get raw nuclear materials in their stockings.
We could even start a program in our schools telling us Santa Clause was a bad person. Children everywhere would be encouraged to boycott Christmas all together. He only went to the North Pole to enslave the elves. Hollywood could even make movies about how people in politics and the arts were black listed for not believing in Santa Clause. Separation of Christmas and State will ring though the halls of our public institutions.
So please. All you people who still believe in good faith that Santa and Christmas are institutions that were sacred to our founding fathers and still are today. Recommend this blog. Give it stars. Feature it. Do not let xanga sweep it under the carpet as if just another crazy dooms day blog by a nut job. Christmas is on the chopping block if good people do nothing. Thank you.
